


right now could last forever (just as long as I'm with you)

by Felixseo (kafkao)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, lots of sun references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-31 07:17:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21111725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kafkao/pseuds/Felixseo
Summary: These are just people, people who make Seungmin enjoy his nights, people who won’t mean a thing to Seungmin in the morning, people who keep Seungmin a safe distance from Felix, who sees Seungmin as the sun- once he gets too close, he will burn.orTo Felix, Seungmin is just a daydream away





	right now could last forever (just as long as I'm with you)

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to a daydream away by all time low on repeat and this thing happened idk
> 
> happy one year of i am you may she join her sisters in the 50m views club someday amen.
> 
> This is set in London, which isn't really important but it's pretty obvious so just putting that out there. also it's unbetad oops

“Rock, paper, Scissors!”

Felix grins, certain he’s won this time as he pulls out a fist from behind his back. Seungmin’s been using rock three times in a row, there’s no way-

“You’re kidding.” Felix’s grin slips as he sees Seungmin’s rock in front of him, a similar grin on his own face slowly sliding off.

“This is the _eighth time-”_

“You’re totally cheating!” Felix accuses.

“How do you cheat in rock, paper, scissors, Felix?!” Seungmin explodes, clearly exasperated.

Felix falls onto his back, wincing when he realises the hard wood of the kitchen floor isn’t as comfortable as he thought it would be. They’ve been playing this game for the last five minutes, pulling the same sign out every single time. Seungmin is still eyeing Felix warily.

“Okay, okay, how about this,” Felix sits up, fixing Seungmin with a determined look. “Let’s take out scissors and only play with rock and paper.”

Seungmin looks absolutely baffled.

“How will that help anything?”

“It means we have a 50/50 chance of picking the opposing tool. Probability and stuff.”

“I’m pretty sure the probability of us not picking the same thing is 2:1 when there’s three and-”

“Seungmin.” Felix groans, “We’re not here to do maths.”

Seungmin eyes Felix warily once more before sighing.

“Okay.”

Felix grins,

“Ok, rock, paper… Paper?”

Felix closes his eyes as he presents his flat hand, other hand occupied by crossing his fingers in hopes that _maybe _they’ve picked something different this time.

Seungmin screams. Felix opens his eyes to see Seungmin’s very own paper hovering in front of him.

“Maybe,” Seungmin sighs, retracting his hand and staring at it accusingly, like the blame of their fate being perfectly in sync belonged to his palm. “Maybe we should both do it.”

It goes like this. Felix doesn’t live with Seungmin, or anywhere near him at all, but he spends more time on Seungmin’s kitchen floor than he spends at his own house. Seungmin has Felix’s favourite pillow in his living room and a bunch of his favourite movies stacked under the TV. Felix’s favourite cereal sits in Seungmin’s kitchen cupboard and his gym bag rests at the bottom of Seungmin’s wardrobe.

So no, Felix does not live with Seungmin. But his things sure do.

And Seungmin doesn’t mind- Felix is pretty sure he doesn’t, because he’s never complained about it. But sometimes he forgets, forgets what pieces of him belong here and what doesn’t. And then it brings forth problems, like Felix proposing to bake a cake, only to arrive at Seungmin’s tiny box flat and remember that Seungmin just about has milk and eggs in his fridge, with no space for the bag of sugar Felix will definitely need to do his baking. And it goes further, when they realise it’s a Wednesday afternoon and the only store that will sell sugar to them is the expensive corner shop down the street- which Seungmin very clearly protested _why would he spend that much on sugar when he can spend it on something useful like his rent?_  


But Felix is determined, says they _must _make the cake or he’ll fail the test he’s barely studied for on Friday, because Lee Felix is nothing if not dramatic and Seungmin is nothing if not whipped for him. So Seungmin proposes they ask the neighbours for sugar, except Seungmin’s neighbours are scary-looking third years, who he’s pretty sure are nocturnal considering how they’re always squinting at the lights in the hallway, like any concept aside form pitch black is completely foreign to them.

“You knock.” Felix hisses once they’re standing outside the door, and Seungmin’s eyes widen in disbelief,

“Why should I?” Seungmin’s voice is rising and Felix hurries to remind him that they can probably _hear _them,

“They’re your neighbours!”

“This is your cake!”

The bickering between the two ceases when the door in front of them swings open, and a handsome but angry-looking boy stands in the door frame.

_“What?” _He grunts moodily.

“Do you- do you have any caster sugar?” Seungmin practically _whispers, _“We’re baking-”

“Wait here.” The boy cuts Seungmin off only to slam the door back in their face and Felix gapes, eyes widening.

“What if he’s gone to get a knife?” He croaks, “How do we know he’s not an axe murderer?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Felix!” Seungmin snaps, “Murderers don’t-”

The door swings open once more and Seungmin immediately clamps his mouth shut, grasping onto Felix’s hand tightly for support most probably.

“Here’s your sugar, kid.” The boy practically _snarls, _and Felix can feel himself cowering. “Whatever you make I want some of it.”

Then the packet of sugar is shoved into Seungmin’s grasp and the door has closed in their faces once again. Seungmin blinks, and then slowly lifts the sugar in his hand.

“I guess we can do the baking?”

Getting wasted is not necessarily Felix’s idea of fun. But getting wasted with _Seungmin, _that’s pretty entertaining.

On the daily, Seungmin is mature and responsible and makes sensible decisions. He doesn’t allow Felix to impulse dye his hair every time he fails something, and he also doesn’t let him lick the batter for his cakes once the eggs have gone in. Drunk Seungmin, however, would probably allow Felix to do a triple backflip off the empire state building.

Felix loves drunk Seungmin.

There’s a rule Seungmin has, and it’s that they only drink in the weekend. Felix is aware he could easily defy this rule by drinking with someone else, but somehow, Seungmin always seems to find out when Felix does impractical things behind his back, so Felix sticks to the rule because it’s rational and equitable and everything Felix is not.

There’s a rule Seungmin doesn’t have, however, and that is how much Felix allows him to drink. Seungmin is a lightweight, and it makes Felix happy to see him laughing and dancing and winking at strangers, who, in the daylight, Seungmin would probably turn his nose at. But under the fluorescent lights of the club, the smoky haze and the stench of sweat and alcohol, Seungmin lets loose and Felix does nothing but admire him.

Seungmin truly could have been a dancer in another life, Felix marvels at the way he sways his hips to a song neither of them have heard in their life. Seungmin is enigmatic, he glows under dim lights and stands out from the crowd- at least in Felix’s eyes. He’s out of Felix’s league completely when he’s dancing and mingling with people whose names he won’t remember tomorrow, yet Felix doesn’t feel an ounce of jealousy. He doesn’t feel a touch of envy when a girl laughs too close to Seungmin’s face, nor does he see a single flash of green when a guy grips Seungmin by the hips and spins him around until Seungmin is giggling uncontrollably in his arms.

These are just people, people who make Seungmin enjoy his nights, people who won’t mean a thing to Seungmin in the morning, people who keep Seungmin a safe distance from Felix, who sees Seungmin as the sun- once he gets too close, he will burn.

So Felix does nothing but sip at the same drink for the whole night, rejecting any advances people make towards him and choosing to watch Seungmin enjoy himself instead, because as long as Seungmin is happy, then so is Felix.

And when the night draws to an end and Seungmin stumbles over to the stool that Felix has been sitting on for so long, he has every ridge underneath it etched into his memory, Felix simply allows Seungmin to giggle against him and pulls the glass out of his hand that’s been refilled more times than either of them can count.

“Let’s get you home,” Felix murmurs into Seungmin’s ear, feeling warmth, feeling heat, making sure not to get burnt by any of it.

“It’s still early.” Seungmin whines, though he doesn’t resist when Felix begins to pull them towards the exit, shooting apologetic smiles at anyone who previously had Seungmin’s attention. They look friendly, sure, but not friendly enough to take Seungmin home safely and tuck him into bed.

“It is.” Felix agrees, “But we’re going home anyway.”

It’s early in the morning, and because the summer nights never turn pitch black it isn’t hard for Felix to locate his car. He straps Seungmin in with the same care he would use on an infant, and then climbs into the driver’s side, smiling when he realises Seungmin is still giggling.

“What’s so funny?” Felix asks as he pulls out of the car park and Seungmin only continues to giggle, the hand covering his mouth deeming itself useless.

“I had five fingers this morning,” He giggles, hiccupping halfway through his sentence, “But now I only have four.”

“Oh?” Felix plays along, “How did you manage to lose one?”

Seungmin shrugs, giggles ceasing though he continues to stare at his hands and, presumably, the lost finger.

“Just happened.” He says eventually, and then he reaches out to the hand Felix has on the gear stick, placing his own on top. Felix feels himself freeze, because Seungmin’s hand is soft and warm and it feels like the gentlest touch.

Seungmin falls asleep before they reach home and Felix wonders just where the lines of him being a safe distance blur enough for it to feel completely comfortable when they hold hands. Would gripping the sun by the fingers not cause a scorching burn?

Felix is avoiding Seungmin. He knows it. Seungmin knows it. Their whole friend group knows it. He’s pretty sure the sun and the moon and all the stars in all the galaxies know it too, considering how they’ve all witnessed Felix watch Seungmin like he shines brighter than them all.

So Felix is avoiding Seungmin, and Seungmin is simply allowing it. Or well, Felix thinks he is. Felix wouldn’t know, because- well, he’s avoiding him.

“You’re avoiding me.”

Felix blinks. He didn’t expect this. Seungmin doesn’t usually come over to his house, it’s always him going to Seungmin’s to bother him, because well, Seungmin lives alone and it’s just easier that way. In fact, Felix lives a fifteen minute drive off campus, thirty minutes with all the traffic, and Seungmin can’t even _drive, _so Felix is about to ask him how he even got there when Seungmin’s words slowly sink in.

“I’m not.” Felix says because denial is easier than confrontation and acceptance and guilt and all these other feelings that he’s has been battling for over a week now. Seungmin rolls his eyes.

“Move.”

And Felix does.

Seungmin walks towards Felix’s living room and Felix follows him, like this is Seungmin’s house and Seungmin’s family living room, and then watches Seungmin switch on the TV like Felix doesn’t live there at all, and yet, surprisingly, Felix doesn’t even mind.

Felix settles into the spot on the floor between Seungmin’s legs and Seungmin plays with his hair whilst they watch the news, like they actually care about the climate change protests or the unidentified animal found in the river in some park in the East Midlands. Felix feels that maybe, in another life, in another world, where the sun itself wasn’t threading its fingers through his hair, he would pay attention to the reporter and feel anger over the protests and empathy over the poor animal, but really, he hasn’t listened to a word she’s said and when she begins to drone on about _fifteen minutes every fifteen minutes _then repeat the same three headlines, Seungmin switches the TV off.

The room is no longer lit by its magnificent hue, and without Anna Botting’s voice in the back, Felix no longer has anything to distract himself with. Seungmin’s fingers tug at his hair a little too hard and Felix pulls away, suddenly realising he’s gotten _too _comfortable, _too _familiar, _too _close, to something that’s _too _dangerous.

“What’s with you?” Seungmin finally huffs out and Felix watches him from his spot on the carpet, chin resting on his arms on the coffee table.

“Nothing.” He says eventually.

“Then why haven’t you been around?”

“Just… busy.” Felix decides on, “Had a lot to do, lots of work, people to see-”

_“Felix.” _

“I have!”

Seungmin slips off the sofa, determinedly shuffling over to where Felix is sitting and Felix visibly flinches when he reaches out. Seungmin cocks his head to the side.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asks quietly, and Felix wants to laugh at the irony of it all, because how can Kim Seungmin do anything wrong? It’s terrible, really, how Seungmin thinks he’s capable of doing wrong, and worse, how he thinks Felix is capable of hating him for it.

“You don’t do wrong things.” Felix sighs eventually, and Seungmin only looks at him.

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

Felix sighs, eyes casting all over the room, from the door that leads into the kitchen to the fireplace that’s been flickering for the last three hours.

“You got too close.” Felix says eventually, “Too close isn’t good.”

Seungmin continues to stare.

“I like to be close to you, Lix.”

“It’s dangerous. You’re… _we _are dangerous. Close means _too _close, and if we can’t stop-”

“Then we don’t have to.”

Felix falls back onto the carpet, groaning loudly.

“We can’t just do what we _want-”_

“We _can. _We always do.” Seungmin’s voice is soft, reasonable and sensible and Felix, for once, can’t _stand _it. Felix has spent his whole life listening to Seungmin, admiring his morals and respecting his maturity. He’s lived a life in Seungmin’s shadow, not because Seungmin is more recognisable in the eyes of others’, but because Seungmin gives him light, gives him brightness and strips him from his darkness, and because there’s so much to _admire _in Kim Seungmin. Felix has only ever loved Seungmin for who he is, and yet who Seungmin is has only ever frustrated him too.

“You’re speaking nonsense. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

Seungmin sighs,

“I always know what I’m saying.”

Felix squeezes his eyes shut,

“I know.”

Seungmin crawls over to where Felix is still lying on the floor, then gently begins to card a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends and patting the bits of his fringe that stick up. Felix closes his eyes and allows himself to revel in it for a moment.

“You know,” Seungmin begins gently, “I don’t think you realise how much you scare me. You’re impulsive and loud and everything I’ve always hated. You’re the absolute pinnacle of noise, yet I never reach for my earplugs when I’m with you.”

Felix allows his eyes to flutter open,

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” Seungmin climbs over Felix’s legs, and hoists himself onto his waist, “I’m saying I like your noise.”

Felix huffs out a quiet laugh, hands coming to rest just above Seungmin’s hipbones. He’s soft there, pliant and lovely, like a limp stuffed animal. Felix gently rubs circles into the skin.

“And I like your quiet.”

Seungmin leans in, close, too close, but Felix doesn’t pull away, doesn’t rush to refuge, doesn’t look for safety nor a place to hide. For the first time, Felix feels like he’s coming out of hiding.

Seungmin kisses Felix like he’s breathing air for the first time, and Felix kisses back like he’s been locked up for years and he’s only just experiencing something he lost long ago. Seungmin kisses insistently, kisses like the sun from behind the clouds, enough to shine its light, but not enough to burn. Felix simply melts under him.

“I like you close.” Seungmin murmurs when they pull away, breaths mingled and soft laughter on their lips. “I _only _like you close.”

Felix brushes their noses together, presses a gentle kiss to the corner of Seungmin’s mouth, so it quirks up into the pretty shape of Seungmin’s smile. Felix can’t help but kiss him in the same place once more.

“Keep me close.”

Seungmin’s smile brightens, and as he tangles their fingers together he laughs; laughs like the sun allowed him to borrow some sunshine and he chose to pour it into his giggle.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/feiixseo)   
[cc](https://curiouscat.me/felixseo)


End file.
